~alryte, so i've been really disturbed lately~
~well, on saturday, all i could think of was him~
~my cuzzy slept over at my house dat nite~
~but, even our pathetic midnite jokes were not able to put my mind off him~
~so, there i was, waiting all nite for at least a single message from him.. but, nah, none..~
~hmms, i fell asleep at 6.30 in the morning.. and had to get out of bed at 9.30 dat same morning~
~wif head so dizzy, the ferst thing i did was check my handphone..any messages? nah...none~
~okay, dissapointed but hey...i dun care!~
~the shower sure did brought about a welcoming jolt through my body, and i was kinda hoping dat it could somehow lighten my heavy heart~
~den again, it didn't..i had a bad hair day-the curls..eew..so disgusting, everything on me was so wrong, my outfit, my makeup..just everything~
~i totally lost my confidence on dat sunday~
~i didn't really do my job..most of the time, i was sitting at the back, holding on tite to my handphone~
~i didn't do the announcings, i didn't sing any solo, i sang only about 3 duets..dats it, throughout the whole wedding ceremony..dats horrible i must say~
~dat nite, when i returned home, i was still kinda hoping to receive at least a late nite message~
~den again, nope...none!~
~so, in my mind i was lyke...'okay fine forget it'~
~truth is, i wasn't able to, and i still can't~
~so, i forced myself to sleep dat nite. dats the only thing in which i think could temporarily make me not think of him~
~i woke up the next morning, or infact, afternoon..got myself all freshen up and immediately left the house to meet a fren~
~we went shopping-my favourite thing to do...did it help? nope, still was thinking of him~
~hmms...so, i ended up trying my old method of de-stressing..went to macdonalds and got myself 2 burgers.~
~u see, dat was how i managed my life...eat,eat,eat..wenever i'm stressed up, wenever i'm happy, whenever i'm whatever..~
~and...i am supposed to be on a healthy food diet now, but, whu cares, i just got myself two bottles of detoxing med, so, yea, just hope it helps one way or another~
~well, aniway, eating turned out to be a failure this time around...so, i'm kinda back to my normal diet now~
~okay, so, dat nite, i couldn't sleep..i turned on all sortsa music, loud, soft, fast, slow...none of it worked..and no, dun even think of switching off the hi-fi...it'll only make it worst..i'm the type whu drifts along wif the music till i reach dreamland~
~so, i called up a fren, she too was still wide awake, but most of the time, it was her talking while i just got wafted away by my thoughts~
~i was sad, frustrated, disappointed...all messed up~
~i dunno exactly wads wrong wif me, but all i could do was think of the guy whu had just stolen a small part of my heart not too long ago~
~our meeting wasn't even a meeting, more of a coincidence~
~and stupid me fell for his sweet nothings~
~i just have this heavy feeling inside of me..i feel like i'm a zombie!!~
~i stayed awake till 2 plus in the morning, i had to let mysef out..dropped a few tears and was about to go to bed~
~but, before dat, i had to take my medication.. so, i dragged myself to the drawer, held the glass bottle in my hand when a sudden weakness struck me~
~the bottle of medication which cost 98 bucks headed straight for the ground and, duh, it broke..into many pieces...~
~and there i was thinking, ferst of all, damn it! there goes my hundred bucks and its all becoz of dat bloody guy whu just won't get out of my head..the next thing was, poor bottle, as pathetic as i was at dat point of time, shattered and nothing could be done, just left there, with the liquid medication flowing out helplessly, like me sitting draining out my tears~
~okay so, how much worst could it get? while i was trying to clear up the mess, i accidently stepped on one of the glass pieces and it left my toe bleeding..hurts of course, but luckily, the cut wasn't huge~
~well, i must have pulled my mom out of dreamland...she caught me breaking down, but i just said dat i wasn't feeling well and was kinda having a flu~
~i guess she knew i was lying..with my sudden carelessness and silence..anyone could have guessed that there was something wrong~
~this morning, she kept asking, trying to convince me dat it'll be much better if i were to share it wif someone~
~but, nah..my story is not dat of a straight forward type..mine was really complicated..~
~so, i wud rather keep it to myself...about exactly wad happened and exactly how i feel~
~this morning, i was trying real hard to keep myself focused on my normal daily stuff, plus, i've got an extra long lesson to teach today..~
~kind of got over it a little, i mean, i realise how things are meant to be the way it is, whether i liked it or not~
~but, i have to admit dat i was still somehow distracted~
~i was rather impatient with my little cousin, scolded him alot during lesson today.. i never did dat before and i feel kind of guilty dat i'm mixing personal stuff with my job~
~but i guess, it'll all have to end here..someway, somehow...and, hopefully dat is..~
a ToUcH sO FiNe
darkness falls @
9:05 PM
