MuRdEr, sHe wRoTe....

2006-03-04T23:27:00.000+08:00

~arghh!!!!! freaking jerks!!!!~
~this is like the second tyme some freaking ppl try to find fault with me~
~the worst part is, i have no idea who the freaking hell that freaking guy is~
~well, it's not my fault that he didn't see the AWAY sign~
~he must be freaking blind!!!~
~and he said "kalau taknak chat den offline ar!"~
~and how freaking rude is dat?????!!~
~in the ferst place i already said i'm busy!!~
~well screw him!! its my freaking com, my freaking account, so i freaking sign in whenever i want!!!!~

~i just dun get it..~
~must i talk to every guy dat says hi to me..???~
~call me unfriendly, unsocial or whatsoever...i dun care~
~i just dun want to chat with every single guy who's on my contact list..especially those that i dun noe..~
~okay fine, so maybe i'm not busy afterall..~
~and the only reason i put my status away is because i just dun want too many distratctions from all these outside ppl~
~ppl whom i'm used chatting to shud noe dat...~
~but issit so wrong to do so?~

2006-02-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL:
~its been almost a week since my studio project started..~
~well, i got to say that so far everythings been going on pretty smoothly~
~on the other hand...recently, there had been some troubles in school~
~something in which i think ting, serene, jean anne and me can no longer do anything about..~
~sometimes, to think of it, its kinda sad...but..we did what we can and now we're just moving on...concentrating on our schoolwork~
~and yea, finally....we got to chose our focus: ferst choice- Interactive media, second choice-games design, third choice-animation..~
~really hope to get into my ferst choice of course..~
~erm...wad else...~
~ouh yar...i failed my digi assignment 4..i got an F~
~but, luckily i had the chance to redo...and this time around, results was a B~
~for the ferst time i feel so satisfied with my digi results!!~
~erm....other than dat...i think i got no further updates ...~
~can't wait for school to end!!!!~

2006-02-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

~yesterday:~
~went to town before lecture to get skirt for presentation..~
~den went to ps after lecture to get slippers and t-shirt~
~ahah..i dragged jean anne along..and end up had to carry her osmose paper bag with the word SALE largely printed on it..haha~
~but end up...she bought 3 nice t-shirts..(should have bought the gay one too)..heh..soo cool~
~heahaha~
~aniway...nice slippers and i loved it..~
~so today...i wore it to school~
~but...too bad..~
~slippers can nvr protect ur feet~
~the stupid stool at the drawing studio accidentally landed directly on my toes...~
~so ting...you must piggyback me for the rest of the semester..okay? hehhe~
~well...as usual, being me...i had wild imaginations of a broken toe..and den the toe decomposes and it'll just drop off anytime soon..~
~den again...that's too much..~
~hmms....i end up limping whenever i walk and my little toe is swelling like siao..~
~which also means that i can't go out tmr..~
~and due to this injury...i noe i sure did disappoint my best fren..~
~coz i told her i can't go to the party with her tmr..~
~well...dunno if she's still angry..~
~but..i hope she understands and hope she doesn't think i'm lying or something..~
~i'll nvr do such a thing to my frens~
~whatever it is...i'm really sorry..~
~i guess the pain of ur best fren being angry at you is worst den the pain of losing ur toe..~
~i dunno...but that's wad i'm feeling ryte now...guilty and helpless~

~aniway.......i hope this feet could cure soon..~
~and hopefully i could walk as per normal by tuesday..~
~or else...i won't be able to fit into my shoes and eeww...imagine formal clothing with slippers...~
~ain't that weird?..~
~i'm really looking forward to the presentation..~
~we'll look so cute with our ties..~
~haha..~

~all the best for studio project ppl!!~

2006-02-06T18:56:00.000+08:00

~i'm in school ryte now..~
~okay so tell me,what's the point of coming for lessons from 6-9pm but all you do in class is your own stuff..~
~coz we're done with typo module and so now we're slacking..~
~haha...stupppiiidddd..~
~okay nvm...shud stop complaining..~
~hmms...i'm freaking bored ryte now...~
~my com can't connect to msn..~
~my com can't even open friendster..~
~and its only 7.00~
~i still have 2hrs...arghhhhhhhhh!!~
~ouh yea babe, we were planning on going to esply this wed ryte..~
~sorry i guess we'll have to cancel~
~coz i end at 1 and i've got make up lessons till 3 i guess~
~hmms, unless u have no probs meeting me at 3 and maybe we have dinner outside or something?~
~well, its up to you~
~it's been quite some time since we last hanged out late also ryte?..~
~hehe~
~hmmmss........actually i've got nothing else to say ryte now..~
~so, toodles~

2006-02-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

~this goes out to a guy...who told his fren foz that we're attached..~....(i noe u noe whu u are)
~i dunno if you've ever read blogs or even touched the keyboard before..~
~but if u're reading this...i just want to say..."STOP DREAMING!!"~
~since when did i become ur gerlfren???!~
~stop blurting out nonsence i tell you!!~
~what other stories do you want to create?????...just shut up..~
~or i swear i will give ur number to the police!!~
~ouh no...wait i shall just tell my brother...~
~den you know what he'll do????~
~all he needs to do is just sit on you and damn....you'll be worst den a pancake by then...~
~so just pray to god that you'll still be alive..~
~i hate ppl like you~
~just leave me alone!!~
~i've had enough of ur nonsence!!!!!~
~i'm just not some gerl u can push around aite....~
~damn..i wish u're reading this...coz if i still had ur number i'd kol u and scream all this shit hard in your ears...and i'll flood ur freaking inbox as well!!!!~

2006-01-31T20:29:00.000+08:00

~today we went to the zoo~
~spent almost the whole day there..~
~it was really tiring..but, it was fun..~
~although there were some things which ended up bothering me..~
~overall, i still enjoyed myself~

~i guess, there are some things that you have to just leave aside and not bother about~
~and i guess you'll need lots of strength to pull through it~
~maybe, i wasn't strong enough...~
~the awkward feeling that had never been there before laid infront of me throughout the whole day..~
~i felt sad, guilty and angry...all at one time~
~should i even be feeling this way?~
~i have no idea myself...~
~all i know is dat, it will never be the same again...no more a friend, not even an acquaintance to hope for..~

~but luckily for me, on my way home from the zoo, my brother gave me a kol...~
~he said 'hello again'...coz he didn't have to go back to camp tonite..~
~which, also means more fun at home!! yipee!!~
~at least, someone to help put my mind off everything...~

~bad news: i've not completed my maya assignment..~
~dateline: tomorrow!!!~
~i have totally forgotten how to place the lighting and how to animate the cameras...~
~all i did was extrude the cube faces and taa-da...i got a lorry!!!~
~haha, i guess lorry is the easiest thing to create..~

2006-01-30T17:02:00.000+08:00

~i lied to myself by saying i dun have any feelings for him animore~
~truth is the opposite...~
~i never did lose any of those feelings since 26th april 2004 up till today~
~no matter how hard i tried..no one could replace him..~
~but, truth is no use anymore..~
~i used to think that i'm on the losing end~
~well, den again, maybe i'm not~
~not knowing is sometimes better den knowing~
~and maybe some things happen for a reason~
~most people long to see their love ones happy~
~i guess i should be happy and move on as well~
~its alryte if i'm not the one with him anymore~
~although sometimes i wish i could be that gerl~
~but, i had my chance..and i suppose great things in life only comes once~
~once you lose it, you'll lose it forever~
~i learned a few things...like for example how i should be thankful cause i still have my family and friends who are undeniably the most beautiful people in my life~
~i also learned not to say 'if only' anymore...~
~cause no matter how many times i say if only...nothing will change..~
~i guess trapping myself in my own emotions will do me no good~
~its no better than suicide~
~so i decided that i'm gonna start afresh~
~now that i've let it out....i'm also gonna leave it behind..~
~just leave it stated here in my blog...just like footprints~
~maybe in many days to come, i'll just smile when i read this entry and say.."those were the days.."~
:)

2006-01-01T16:27:00.000+08:00

~damn! suria sucks....the show just ended without ending...~
~hmms.....i think i'll get fat really soon...~
~last nite, i sat at home...~
~asked my dad to buy for me my fav chicken rice at tripple eight~
~and den, after eating the chicky rice, i ienjoyed a bowl of banana split~
~and after dat, i ate curry puff...erm, the very classic one, the one u can get from mama shops..~
~and den, chicken pau...~
~and den i ate crab crackers...~
~and i did all dat while watching hindi movie...~
~hmms...well, after dat i slept and woke up at 12..~
~and wow! its a new year..~
~and ever since i woke up, cleaned up and all, i've been eating eating and eating..~
~i took my lunch twice and i've been having snacks all the way..~
~ouh and yar, dat stupid suria...can't even play a show fully and nicely..~
~now i'm doing no0thing and i dun plan to do anything i guess...~
~besides, eating and watching tv....~

2005-12-31T16:38:00.000+08:00

~4.38: sitting infront of this fucking com which lags like 90% of the time~
~and guess wad????!!! its new years eve!!! like 'WOW'~
~WHATEVER~
~maybe its true...i don't have a life after all..~
~my frens are going out wif my other frens~
~some are out wif their guy frens~
~and i'm stuck at home~
~doing nothing~
~how much more fun can life get??!!~
~seriously...try it...sit homee all day and feel the excitement of being bored!!~
~yeepee!!!~
~all i do lately is work...schoolwork i mean...~
~schoolwork schoolwork schoolwork and nothing more den dat~
~so much work and so little fun~
~arghhhh!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!~
~i want to get out of this freaking shell~
~maybe i shud start rebelling???????!!~
~cool ey?~
~i shud start clubbing~
~start smoking~
~start drinking..~
~hmms...................eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww....nah~
~not gonna do dat...dat's like way extreme..~
~but wad can i do???~
~arghh!!!! i'm freaking bored!!~

2005-12-27T12:18:00.000+08:00

~rumours~
~i guess everyone hates it..~
~i wonder why ppl have to talk about something which does not have anything to do with dem..~
~what the hellllllllll!!!!~
~i am officially sick and tired of everything...~
~things come one after another and i dunno how to handle everything ryte now..~
~seriously..~
~i am so fucking stressed up!!!!~
~so many things in my head..~
~i am going bonkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~

2005-12-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

~wednesday: i skipped lecture..~

~thursday: i skipped lecture again...~
~den i went for my appointment..~
~and den... someone gave me a damn huge shock~
~and well, i have to say dat i'm rather disappointed and sad..~
~but, i guess, i'll just have to learn to live with it..~

~hmms...and den friday comes...~
~and i was supposed to go to school..~
~the plan was: wake up at 7... my dad will send my mom to work ferst and den, send me to school..~
~so, estimated tyme to reach school would be: 8.45~
~and so, off we went... but i had a terrible stomache cramp while i was in the car..~
~i thought, as usual, my stomache cramps will pass...but, this tyme around, it didn't..~
~and so, i decided to go to the clinic instead..~
~initially, i was supposed to ask someone to accompany me coz both my parents are working and my grandmama was at kl...~
~but, in the end, no one could accompany me.. and so, my mom took a half day leave to send me to our family clinic in yishun~
~hmms, luckily, we didn't have to wait long for my turn to meet the doctor..~
~so, blablablablablbalba.....the doctor gave me 3 different types of medicine...(eeeeewww!) one for pain-tablet is green in colour..very gross, one for cramp and the other...erm....its something not sooo nice to even mention..~
~damn....so many stomache problems...i get gastric often and now, this!!~

~saturday: which is today~
~went to fetch my brother..~
~we went for lunch after dat but too bad...this stomache gave me problems again and so, i wasn't in such a good mood..~
~can someone out there donate their stomache to me??~~~
~whoever is kind enough pls...~
~haha~
~blalbblabla.............and after dat, i tried to do my lindsay lohan poster...which has to be handed in on the ferst day of school~
~and now...i'm just sitting here wasting my tyme...~

2005-12-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

~friday: was really happy to receive a message from my bro when i was in school~
~told me dat he reached home~
~i guess somehow, drawing lessons dat day automatically turned...interesting?...~
~maybe its just the excitement of finally getting to see my bro again after 2 long weeks~
~so, my mommy, daddy and bro fetched me from school..~
~and den, we went for dinner..~
~everything seemed so perfect:)~

~saturday: we went out...~
~went to look for my mommy's x-box~
~haha, how cute ryte....my mommy wants to play x-box!!~
~unbelievable~
~she say she wants to play the racing game...~
~dunno wads up with racing...release her stress i suppose..haha~
~but, we ended up getting a ps2 instead..~
~coz the person say x-box is not good and he's not selling it animore~
~hmms, ps is fun...~
~some games...not all..~
~i tried playing the fifa 06..~
~the score was 6-0~
~haha, obviously, 0=me!!~
~heh, and wads worst is, i scored an own goal..~
~haha, how stoopid..~

~sunday: spent the morning doing my assignment..~
~after completing my assignment, played incredibles with my bro..~
~haha, very fun..~
~but, we didn't get to complete the whole thing coz he had to prepare to go back to camp~
~so, we stopped playing around 5 and got ready to sent him off~
~my bro looked damn smart in his uniform...~
~haha, if he loses weight, i bet he'll look even better..~
~hmms, y do happy moments pass by so quickly???~
~but, i'm waiting....for us to complete the rest of the game this coming saturday.....~
~as always, i'm missing him alot...~
~aniway, after sending him, my parents and i went to vista point to eat..~
~saw hafiz's parents and sister there..~
~his sister recognised me..~
~and his mom tegor~
~he has a cute sister..very sweet and pretty~

~monday: sat at home the whole day, did my sketchings for storyboarding~
~den, prepared to go to school which starts at 6~
~my dad wanted to send me to school..~
~he just returned from work and he told me to wait for him at the void deck..~
~so, i waited...5.30...5.35....5.40...5.45!!!~
~i was so damn frustrated!!!~
~lessons starts in 15mins and he still have not arrived~
~he reached at around 5.50~
~and i was already so damn grumpy...~
~i was like cursing in silence~
~den he said, he fell off from his bike~
~he was at the traffic junction when he wanted to make a turn..~
~but, he accidentally breaked too hard i suppose when he saw the red light...~
~and the bike went off balance..~
~and he fell off the bike..~
~thank goodness that road was not busy....~
~he wasn't strong enough to bring the bike up by himself..~
~so he had to stop other bikers and ask for help..~
~god!! how selfish can i get?!!!~
~i sarted cursing...when my father was actually out there, in trouble..and he still had to rush back just to make sure that i'm not late for school~
~i noe, i suck!~
~but i'm blessed, to have such a caring and loving dad...infact not only dad..but, family..~

~today: school..from 10-9~
~crazee school..dat's wad my dad calls it~
~hmm...everything was okay...as per normal..~
~den, received msg from my bro after school~
~haha, he said he was bored..~
~den he was so happy that today, they served ice-cream~
~hahhaha...when will he lose weight like dat??~
~and he keeps on disturbing me about my daily toilet routine~
~asked me who waits for me in the kitchen while i go to the toilet every nite now that he's not around~
~idiot!!! make me feel so miserable...~
~haha....i'll make sure when he comes home...he'll wait in the kitchen for hours!!~
~blablablaba..dat's all~

2005-12-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

~I WANT MY BROTHER!!!~
~bad things happened today...erm...well, maybe not so bad...but still rather bad..~
~went to meet the sec sch ppl..~
~we sat outside kfc...~
~blablablbalblablab...den i wanted to throw this empty bottle at yus..okay, i din't want it to actually really hit him..~
~i wanted it to like go pass his face or something...~
~but, i guess gerls like me are simply bad at hand-eye coordination..~
~so yep, obviously it missed yus...infact, it flew over his head and hit this small, cute little gerl's head...~
~arghh!!!! dat sweet precious little thing got a knock on her head for no bloody reason!!~
~i felt damn guilty...~
~they told me to go say sorry...but i was damn super duper scared..~
~and so, i just sat there...and cried...~
~because i just can't get rid of that heavy feeling inside of me..~
~IT WASN'T YUS NYER FAULT...haha~
~and yea, i'm okay after dat..~but it was only for awhile~
~i was talking to liana on the phone while walking back home..~
~and den, when my father opened the door, he was like damn pissed~
~because i was busy talking on the phone and i didn't say assalamualaikom or anything like dat..~
~okay fine, my mistake, i may have been quite rude...~
~but, he didn't have to shout and slam the door ryte?!~
~so, i just walked in...feeling damn pissed at him as well, and i almost walked into my brothers room...~
~for a moment, i forgot dat my bro was not around...~
~i suddenly miss him alot today...~

2005-12-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

~so much to do~
~so little tyme left~
~or maybe its just plain lazyness...~
~lazyness? correct spelling? or shud it be laziness?~
~okay fine, which ever way...~
~hmms, have to finish up hand and foot drawing and ouh my goodness, storyboarding, also have to complete 46 pages of drawing..~
~i can't believe it!!! can't expect us to bring our sketchbook to the supermarket all dat ryte??~
~haiyo....~
~okays, but i guess, i'll stop slacking this weekend..~
~at least, i'll TRY to stop~
~erm, ouh yar, i still got typography assignment and ouh yar, the digital imaging...and ouh yar another one...have to practice maya for the RE-TEST!!!arghh!!~
~shit...yup, i'm in deeeeeeeeep shit!~
~but i dun feel like digging my way out of all this shit...~
~sssssooooo lazy....lazy to move, lazy to think....hmms, haha, but, i'm still blogging...~
~how stupid ryte...shud go do my work now...~
~actually no, maybe i shud sleep now...sounds so much more fun:)~
~yeepeee!!~
~ouh another thing....talked to my bro recently...so nice to hear his voice...~
~he seems happy there, guess he's getting along pretty well with his frens and yups, their treating the ns men pretty well these days...good food and all...~
~so maybe, i shud just stop emo-ing...like ifah had just mentioned on the taggy...EMO EMO EMO...haha~
~emo-ing once in awhile is good you know...we shouldn't bottle up our feelings...~
~and so, aniway, i shud just be happy, and wait for my bro to return home for the weekends..although i'm not too sure which weekend..but, yea, he'll come home:)~

2005-12-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

~i'm missing my brother alot..~
~i wish he's here ryte now to bring back all the smile and laughter...~
~suddenly, everything feels so empty~
~i may be able to bare the pain of losing a boyfren or sumthing...~
~but, nothing is as bad as this...~
~he's the one i depend on, to brighten up my day....but now dat he's not around, who do i go to???~
~i feel so lost...~
~now there's no one to accompany me to my late nyte dinner/kitchen trips~
~no one to just sit and crap around with~
~no one to suddenly come knocking on my bedroom door and den hide behind the wall to scare me..~
~no one to watch dvd's with~
~no one to teach me how to play cards~
~no one to tell me whether my hairstyle is okay or not okay~
~no one to argue with~
~no one whu could appreciate my extremely fudgy brownies like he does~
~no one to call me wannneeyy(with the very weird eeeyy sound)~
~no one i can call AWENG(my way of saying abang)~
~ryte now, i'm like the only child in this house..~
~eventhough there is the other brother...~
~it makes no difference...when he's around, it feels like he's not..and when he's not around...den yea, feels like he's not around..~
~i miss my bro alot!!!!....i dun noe how else to describe exactly what i'm feeling ryte now..i just noe dat i miss him..~
~i wish he's here...ryte now.......~
~only den maybe, even those most awful days would seem perfect in a way~~~~

2005-10-08T20:19:00.000+08:00

~oooouuhhh...~
~long time no blog~
~well....nothing interesting happened lately~
~erm, the last time i blogged......it was about some guy if i'm not wrong...~
~okay...he's gone..they are all gone...i've happily gotten over everything~
~my handphone's not ringing dat much animore...which is a good thing of course..my bill's lower.. everything's so peaceful~
~thank goodness~
~aniway, fasting month is back..~
~erm....may seem weird..but, i'm starting to do my prayers and all~
~not five times a day though...well, at least thrice..hehe~
~okay, i noe, dat's not the ryte way...but trying to improve myself..(hopefully)~
~let me see, wad else??....~
~okay, maybe for now, nothing else...~

2005-09-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

~he came into my life...as a stranger..~
~a friendly stranger..~
~made friends...~
~we became friendly friends..~
~and found ourselves to have quite a connection~
~he said he liked me...~
~and i believed..~
~he said he wanted to be with me~
~and i believed...~
~i smiled at every single msg he gave...(ouh god i feel like a freak)~
~my heart bounced every time he called...~
~i thought things between us would work out...soon~
~but den, he said he felt guilty...because my pizzey still loves me..~
~wad connection does he have with pizzey? i dun noe...~
~notin at all actually..~
~yet. he feels guilty..~
~i dunno if its just some lame excuse....~
~or maybe he's just sick and tired of waiting for me..~
~all i asked for was time...time for us to get to noe each other more...~
~but, what the hell...~
~after trying so hard to make me believe that he really wants to be with me~
~after making me like him more, day by day...~
~he say's i feel guilty...i think we should just be friends...i dun mean to do this to you...~
~yar yar...whatever...bullshit!!!!!~
~fucking crap...dat's wad it is!!!~
~but wad can a gerl do ryte?.......~
~all i can do is smile...and act as if nothing had happened...~
~it's just one of the bad chapters of my life..~
~but i'll get over it soon...i have to..~

2005-08-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

~ouh yar forgot to say something~
~met up my PEETSIES!!!!~
~awwww, love em sooo much~
~remembered those old times, haha..~

2005-08-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

~yesterday, i went to eat sushi with liana~
~den after dat, we were supposed to go to starbucks actually, to study for my test and liana has to study for her o's~
~luckily, we cancelled the plan to go to starbucks and headed for sunplaza to go get my contacts~
~well, after that heavy meal, i had a terrible stomache pain...~
~it wasn't directly at the stomache though...it was like above the stomache..~
~with the afternoon heat and stuff like dat, it had just made things worst..~
~when we were taking the train back from sembawang, i almost blacked out~
~my vision suddenly turned yellow and black...dat's all i could see...~
~scaryyyyyyy....~
~but luckily, nothing bad happened..i didn't faint halfway or anithing like dat..~
~well, i do get this kind of pain often but i guess yesterday was the worst one ever~
~the pain was like never ending~
~so, i went to the clinic, and the doctor said :" gastric "~
~i dun get it, i've been eating...~
~maybe, not on proper timing..~
~well, was given an mc..for today~
~i was so tempted to use it..~
~i didn't feel like sitting for the test at all..~
~but den again, the faster i sat for it, the faster i'll get over it... ryte??~
~hmms, so, i studied a little, hoping to store as much information as i can..~
~erm, however, i think i wrote alot of crap this morning~
~wadever it is, it's over now and i can't undo anything~
~well, after the test, i went back to my secondary school..~
~met up with my cousins there as well...~
~it's really nice to get to see dem after like a very long time...~
~we will be meeting again though this saturday and sunday...my cousin's wedding~
~aniway, bad news.... my one of my cousin, who is like a year younger den me has given birth to a baby gerl..~
~and the worst part is dat....nobody else in my family noes bout it...~
~i guess my unncle's like really damn disappointed as well~
~i wonder what had came to her mind~
~whatever it is, i hope she's okay...and hope she'll be able to take good care of her child~
~erm...ouh yar, met quite alot of ppl just now... and someone sooo caught my eye..~
~haha, i mean, in terms of looks...~
~he's really really damn cute now...haha~
~okay okay, i should end here~
~ouh yar...saw pizzey too~
~still the same old him i guess...just wish dat he'll cut his hair...hehe:p

2005-08-28T01:12:00.000+08:00

~ouh god...foz asked me to be his gerl dat day..~
~die....i dun want to patch up...~
~i noe he is a nice guy and all dat...and i noe, he's been waiting for me for like 4 years now..(i'm really touched by that)~
~but...arghh!!!! i just can't!!~
~i wonder if he actually remembers all the bad things i did to him last tyme..~
~its like i've broke his heart too many times before..~
~doesn't he feel hurt? doesn't he feel tempted to ever say "fuck off waney!"????~
~why?? why doesn't he??~
~ouh god....please please help him move on in life...~
~please let him meet a gerl who could shower him with all the love anyone could ever give~
~why must he keep on loving someone like me??~
~ouh god, why must you keep hurting him... just let him get over me...~
~i dun care if i'm the one hurting instead ...just make him move on....~
~i dun noe wad to say to him whenever he calls and asks me for an answer..~
~i dun noe how to disappoint him in a nice way anymore..~
~sometimes i just feel like telling him that i hate him...that i never want to have anything to do with him anymore...~
~maybe that way, he will learn to hate me and finally get over me....~
~but i can't possibly bring myself to say that...at the same tyme, i dun want him to keep living in his empty dreams...~
~maybe i should just shut up...act blur??~
~i'll just see wad happens next...~

2005-08-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

~long time since i last blogged~
~well, everything's going on as per normal i suppose...except for one or two things which are making me go bonkers~
~but, nah...guess it'll pass soon enough~
~well, it always does~
~erm, i am currently erm....how shall i put it?...happy? scared? excited? confused?..~
~u see, everything's so mixed up actually..but more of a good way~
~i am happy mostly, but i guess there are ppl out there who's not too glad with this fact~
~ppl i'm really close to....and dats sad to noe...~
~and i guess there will be a few ppl whom i'm gonna end up hurting due to my so called happiness..~
~or maybe, i'll end up hurt...?~
~which one, not too sure yet for now...i hope it doesn't go both ways~

2005-08-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

~i am finally officially 17~
~not 16+ any more~
~haha....this year, i kinda love my berfday celebration~
~wasn't as grand but, it's the most memorable one...~
~hmms, also the cutest one i must say..~
~ferstly, i am damn touched by most of my old friends...those that i've once known and i thought have already lost contact~
~it was sweet of dem all to sent me berfday wishes thru sms...~
~it really made my day~
~den, i was touched by my school friends...~
~it wasn't a big celebration, but a really tiny one...they sang me a berfday song in the school fast food canteen, accompanied by 2 slices of cake, one strawberry, the other chocolate and a chocolate brownie...~
~haha, cute ryte.....usually, ppl celebrate with huge cakes and lots of candles on it, but, i guess, the smaller ur cakes are, the more hommie feeling u get....(according to wad i feel)~
~message to my dear classmates (if u guys are reading this): thanks to all of u...
initially, when i came into this course and into group 8, i regretted going to nyp. i was the only malay in class and i thought i was going to suffer all alone... afraid of the fact that i might feel left out most of the tyme. but, as tyme passes and we all got closer..u guys actually proved me wrong. me being malay and u guys being chinese does not stand as a barrier between our friendship....thanks for being there guys..i LOVE GROUP 8!! haha..~
~okay now, aniway, back to my blogging..~
~erm, ouh yar, i decided that this year, i dun want to celebrate my berfday in some restaurant or chalet~
~i wanted it to be simple, homely...so decided to have a small celebration at my granny's place~
~furthermore, since school started, i've not visited my grandparents... and, i miss them alot..~
~so, we did as i planned...and i am very happy dat everything turned out well..~
~today itself, i realised that berfdays dun mean receiving lots of presents and wad not...but its the thought dat counts.~
~realised dat i feel much more happier with much more ppl around me as compared to many presents around me...~
~also realised dat it feels much better to have all my family members- granny, granddad, aunties, uncles around ...laughing off at jokes while having a simple dinner rather den sitting upryte in a classy restaurant, waiting quietly for the food, eating it slowly and den go home...~

2005-07-31T16:39:00.000+08:00

~it has been some time since i last blogged~
~well, just came back last thursday~
~went for a 5 day trip to kl and malacca with my family~
~wad can i say?~
~actually it's kinda boring there~
~nothing much~
~my initial plan was to go shopping...get myself lots new clothes, new bag, new shoes blablabla~
~i ended up getting myself a pair of pants, pair of slippers and one pathetic t-shirt~
~well, those were like the only nice thing i could find there~
~the rest of it were like quite yucky..~
~hmm, ouh yar, we stayed at timesquare in kl~
~our suite was at the 43rd storey~
~cool view from the top...~
~we could see the old Pudu jail from the master bedroom~
~my cousin said, eversince the jail was being emptied, it was once opened for outsiders to explore the place...u noe, like a little museum...but, there were alot of happenings...many ppl saw lots of 'things' and so, they totally shut the whole place down~
~interesting ey?~
~erm, we tried out the iranian restaurant...~
~damn, iranians eat alot!!~
~obviously, i couldn't finish my food~
~nice? erm, so so only...~
~malacca....stayed at a'famosa~
~hotel wasn't as nice as that at kl..~
~but, i love the cowboy town..~
~especially the red indian show!!...one word-cool~
~and den, after dat, down to johore....my second home~
~finally everything feels much better..~
~my bed, my pillow, my bathroom, my tv, my sofa plus plus plus...~
~but den again, not as nice as the one's in singapore..my ferst and bestest home!!~
~first thing i did when i reached home was kol up my fren and planned a shopping trip for the next day...~
~it was like an emergency!!!~
~hhaaha, but , nah....i didn't shop till i drop~
~den saturday and today itself, i slacked/am slacking at home~
~finished up my clor theory assignment and did some research on aromatherapy and phantom of the opera..~
~i'm supposed to do my design fundamentals assignment as well, but...dun have the mood to draw the stupid penknife AGAIN~
~maybe i'll do some of it tonite...~
~ouh well den...dat's it for now i guess....~

2005-07-21T01:53:00.000+08:00

~hmms~
~skipped understanding media lecture today~
~asked shiping to help me tab my card..haha..so bad ryte~
~but, i had to...i need a break man..~
~aniway, thanks alot to shiping:)~
~erm, guess i had a real good nite sleep~
~slept rather early and woke up really late...~
~well, i den woke up and did some of my school work..~
~i think i'm rather behind time...trying hard ryte now..~
~erm, ouh yar, talked to foz just now...~
~hmms, same old thing, always on and off~
~but, i guess, we are okay now...~
~den again, let's just see how long it'll last..~
~haha~
~and den, we had a four way conference~
~it was among liana, ben foz and me~
~erm, foz brought up the topic...the feeling feeling stuff...~
~ouh gosh, guess, it was not the ryte timing...~
~dun think everyone will be honest in front of so many ppl...~
~erm, as for me, i do like him as a fren..~
~and even if i had feelings for him, currently, it's only about 25-30 percent~
~hmm, after dat, he placed down the fone~
~said that the fone was spoilt....but, i guess it wasn't dat..~
~well, it doesn't seem like it...~
~erm, den again, how would i noe ryte~
~okay okay, i'll end here, dun wanna be late for school tomorrow..~
~infact, it's not tomorrow, it's later..~

2005-07-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

~school week started again~
~luckily, there wasn't any lecture today~
~if not, i would have slept throughout dats for sure~
~erm, we only had drawing tutorial...~
~ouh....my drawing was like shit...~
~had to do drapery...~
~well, i guess the next class will be worst den this as we will be starting on human figures~
~and tomorrow we will be having communication skills test...ouh god... i hate comm skills!!!~
~if we were allowed to drop any of our modules, comm skills would definitely be my ferst pick~
~i've not reallly studied~
~arghh...wad the heck, as long as i get at least a fifty percent of the total mark, i'm happy enough~
~and also, tomorrow, we will have to present the shoebox assignment... didn't improve on it at all..lazy..haha..~
~hmms, let me see, wad else...erm, yar, liana called just now to say that we will be going to the zoo next month..on the 14th~
~hmms, outing with the guys again....~
~yar sure, i have been looking forward to going to the zoo..i've like not been there since i was in primary school? yea, around there..~
~but den again, the thought of going out with dem again makes me feel sick and tired~
~den i suppose it'll be the normal routine of, talk nicely, have fun at ferst and den, end up fighting till the next outing again...~
~so sucky~
~wadever it is, it's next month, so, nah, should not think of it now~
~erm, i'll be heading for KL with my fam the end of this week...~
~how great...finally the breaks arriving.....i wish it's longer though~
~but, sad to say, my classmates will be booking a chalet for the same five days that i'll be at KL...how sad!!!!!!!!~
~they all pangseh me....~
~haha, it's alryte guys, u all owe me one man;)~
~ouh yar, dat nuriman guy messaged me again today~
~he asked if i am attached since i lied to him dat i am the other day..haha (aniway, i didn't mean to be bad..i'm just not in the mood to get to know guys and stuff like that ryte now, furthermore, he pissed me off the other day)~
~erm, i said ryte now i am..and i asked him y?~
~he said that he didn't know and also congratulated me..~
~den he reminded me to invite him biler dah nak makan nasi minyak...(meaning when i am going to get married)~
~like wad the hell is he thinking man...? damn...i'm only seventeen..no way am i getting married at this age~
~den he also said that okay, he won't be disturbing my rumahtangga(family affairs)...and if there's any problem, just message him...~
~haha, this guy is weird...but, wad can i say ryte?...so, just forget it..wadever..~
~erm, i guess that's it for today..~

2005-07-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

~hey there~
~well, today's already a sunday...~
~how quickly times passes by..~
~dun feel like going to school tomorrow..~
~feel so tired~
~sometimes i just wish that i was still in primary one~
~den i'll start to get all cranky eraly in the morning and persuade my mom to write a letter to the teacher and let me stay at home~
~haha, does days are long gone~
~rite now, the fact that i'm not going to school withithout a valid reason will just get me a deba~
~no thanks..~
~hmms, aniway, today, liana, fizah and me went out again..~
~well, this time around, we went to causeway point only~
~just had to get a few stuff and dat's it, we headed for my house..~
~watched you got served...~
~so happened that liana borrowed the same story from ben just now when i actually just purchased it a few days back~
~ouh yar...met up with ben..coz he wants to give liana the disc and also talk maybe? i dunno..~
~erm, had a crazy day today...~
~everything seemed so haywired all of a sudden~
~we were not really thinking straight i guess...~
~it's like, we walked in the wrong direction so many times~
~haha, mad us~
~we also laughed laughed and laughed~
~i guess, rite now, that's the only thing which could make me put my mind off whatever happened yesterday~
~yesterday's story:~
~erm, we were supposed to have our outing to the zoo...~
~we: liana, ben, foz, fizah and me~
~but, the guys were not really for it~
~so, we decided to just go somewhere else...~
~which, we decided later on to go to the museum that is..~
~erm, ferst we went to the one at city hall, some peranakan museum...~
~it was kinda cool...~
~we also got to get in for free, cause liana's from nafa and nafa has somekind of membership with them~
~erm, aniway, after dat, we went to another museum...just beside victoria theatre~
~that museum was damn huge~
~triple storey and we paid like only 2 bucks to view everything....~
~turned out to be damn nice...~
~we stayed there for quite long..~
~we only got out of the museum when we heard an announcement saying that the museum will be closing in 15 minutes time~
~we sure did had alot of fun there~
~erm, den after that, we actually wanted to watch the fireworks at esplanade..~
~but, decided not to as it was raining...~
~so, we went to far east to eat..~
~ouh yar, along the way...~
~i received a call from nuriman~
~erm, a guy, i got to know quite recently~
~he wanted to meet up since he was also at town at that point of time~
~but, i was afraid that he might feel uncomfortable aound my friends and i was also afraid that my friends will feel uncomfortable~
~ferst he said "ouh..i know it's because u're a poly student whereas i used to be in ite so u are shy to mix around with ppl like me ryte?"~
~well, nah, no, that's not why i didn't want to see him~
~den he said, i am anti-social~
~like. what the hell, he didn't have to say that rite~
~he really spoilt my mood...~
~but, nah, screw him...~
~den, when we were at far east, ben said that he saw matin~
~luckily, i didn't see him~
~or else, i would have felt like killing mself on the spot~
~erm, aniway, after we finished our food, foz told us this stupid lame joke~
~it was kinda freaky~
~den again, it turned out to be a joke~
~okay, fine, i could have just laughe it off~
~but i didn't...~
~i was so caught up with all the other emotions within me and i started to flare up after that joke~
~it's like i couldn't stand it animore~
~it was my mistake i admit..~
~it was such a small thing to actually get angry at~
~so, if any of u guys are reading this, i'd like to say, i'm sorry~
~erm, back to my story....after that, foz tried to console me, but i kept shooing him off~
~he got all fucked up too i guess~
~well, liana and i wanted to go to the toilet after that....we were going down the escalator to the 3rd level and foz just continued down on his own..~
~he left just like dat and it made me even more frustrated~
~okay, but, worst part is, when we saw him at the entrance, he was happily talking to abg arif and his other friend...~
~he saw us walking pass him yet ignored us~
~abg ben was the one who chased after us~
~we then went to hyatt hotel's toilet since the toilet at far east were all under construction`
~when i came out, i received a call from foz~
~ferstly saying that he's sorry bout the joke- seriously, i was over it... i knew then dat i was kinda over reacting as well~
~so, partly my mistake~
~secondly, he also said sorry because he couldn't send us home as he already had plans to go to the gig at esplanade with his friends~
~so, well, okay fine...~
~abg ben wasn't happy with that fact..~
~he thinks that, we should all go back together as we went out together..~
~aniway, it's not like all the time we get to go out together~
~liana and i totally agree with that~
~but, den again, we can't stop him..~
~erm, whatever it is, he still carried on with his friends and liana and i headed back~
~erm, blablabla....~
~when i reached home, i received another call from him~
~he was asking how's everything~
~also saying sorry about whatever happened~
~he was still wondering why though, that we were angry at him~
~he explained to me about how he had already promised abg arif and his other friends...blablabla~
~i just couldn't care less~
~to me, whatever had happened happened...~
~nothing we say now could change anything~
~so, might as well, just forget everything and everyone should start cooling off...~
~well, he said that abg ben was really angry with him when they were at the train station~
~den again in the ferst place. he didn't really come up to all of us and tell us that he was going to leave with the rest of his friends, so, dats his mistake on that part~
~he told me that he said something to ben maybe withouht thinking much...~
~" if it was a gerl that i love that i am not sending home, den it's a different thing...but, this is only a fren"....(translated version)~
~he den asked me, "am i ryte to say this?"~
~yup, i suppose he's ryte..~
~well, liana and i have always realised the fact that we have broken up with them about 4 years back...~
~and we are not expecting dem to be sending us to our doorstep or something~
~but, like what ben said, we have such meetings only once in awhile...~
~i guess, it's just more appropriate if we go together and go back together as a group~
~it's not because of i like you and you like me dat you have to send me home~
~i wonder if he treasures this friendship as much as maybe liana and i do~
~at least, as much as i do....~
~it seems as if he treats us like we are noone special...just normal friends that come and go in his life~
~and that fact hurts alot~
~suddenly it feels like i am about to lose someone special in my life...i dun noe why~
~it's like worst den losing a boyfriend~
~i was sad to hear wadever he had to say~
~to him, he thinks that he has not done anything wrong~
~ well, yea, he hasn't actually committed a crime...~
~but to place in simple words, he disappointed us~
~dat's all...not much of anger i suppose...but, more of diasppointment~
~and by saying dat, he made everything worst~
~personally, i feel that maybe, i was wrong... maybe, some relationships are meant to be forgotten once broken~
~maybe some friendships are not meant to last......~
~maybe some or infact all happy moments has a sad ending to it and are left as memories~
~foz and i, i realised that we have had lots and lots of small little conflicts here and there..~
~especially, lately~
~i hate it but i just dun noe how to avoid it~
~and everytime it happens, it will leave me in a blue~
~just like now~
~i am so sick and tired of it..i know he is too~
~maybe we are just not meant to be, not as lovers, not even as friends.....~

2005-07-03T19:00:00.000+08:00

~hey there~
~well, i', feeling raly bored ryte now~
~my room is in a huge mess but i dun have the mood to clean it up ryte now~
~aniway, hate my dad~
~he's like always screaming for no bloody reason~
~it must be one of his so called mood swings again~
~can't stand it~
~whenever someone talks back to him, he'll say the person is being rude for raising their voice..~
~but, he doesn't realise the fact that he was raising his voice ryte from the very ferst word he spoke~
~i mean, yea, i noe he's like the eldest in the family and all dat, but, come on man, others have feelings too..~
~wad is so wrong in reminding someone nicely to off the lights, wads the point of shouting?~
~wads the bloody point in being so damn sarcastic even~
~it's just a matter of switching off the freaking lights!!!~
~wadever...i'm so damn used to it aniway~
~sometimes i pity my mom~
~she too gets acreamed at for no reason...~
~erm, okay, not really scream...but more of talk in a harsh way~
~he has got to learn how to control his temper~
~ouh... what the hell..~
~how much more suckier can life in this house get..~
~i hate it when things like this happens~
~though it only happens like once a week or something like dat~
~but come on, give me a break...it's sunday....family day...rest day...wadever day they call it...it's a bloody sunday!!!!~
~well, luckily for me, i still have my bro to talk to whenever things like this happens..~
~love my bro alot!!~
~wonder wad it's gonna be like when he goes to ns~
~he's currently waiting for the letter..~
~hopefully he won't have to go too soon~
~i'm gonna feel damn lonely here~
~can't imagine my days without him~
~no one to joke around with~
~no one to talk crap with~
~no one to accompany me to the kitchen late at night~
~no one to watch dvd with~
~no one to teach me how to play cards~
~basically, no one who say's " hey sis, wanna eat?" or "hey sis, watcha doin?"~
~damn...why the hell do guys have to go to ns..............??~

2005-06-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

~hey there~
~seems like i've not touched the keyboard for the last few days~
~well, hows life here?~
~basically, it sucks!~
~currently, at this very moment that is, i hate everything around me!~
~blablabla...i dun noe wad to say.......~
~all i know is dat i hate it here!~
~i so hate it here!!~
~someone get me out of this place(my house)~
~f@%$~

2005-06-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

~finally~
~the week's came to an end~
~sooo tiring~
~tmr, i'll be heading to my second home-johore~
~it's been quite some time since i've last been there~
~erm, well today was not much of a difference from any other days~
~apart from the fact that today is a friday...kind of makes everything sound really soothing~
~i guess dat's only because it's the start of the weekend~
~ouh yar, finally saw the farhan guy in school just now~
~i didn't really recognise him when he called out my name just now~
~erm, i only remembered dat he's tall? haha...dat's it i guess~
~well, saw him face to face~
~cute?...hmm...not so~
~handsome??...hmm...not so as well~
~but, kind of charming~
~i guess, it's because of his smile~
~he looks like the type whu wants to look cool and casual like all the time~
~nah nah, dun get me wrong..i dun mean dat in a bad way..~
~i mean like cool, COOL..u noe..not like those whu tries to act cool...ar, i dun noe..fine wadever~
~still find it stupid dat he had to like reintroduce himself just now~
~well, what am i to do?~
~it's these eyes dat are partially blind~
~erm, kay no...not partially blind...partially blured?...wadever~
~but well, my main point is, i've finally seen him and yar, dat's it~
~there's nothing more to dat~
~what else?~
~ouh yar, met faz at town just now~
~erm, we sat at starbucks and talk, talk and talk~
~den we walked~
~den we went back~
~he got a present for diana~
~so sweet of him~
~i mean it's like he's really putting in all the effort for the one he loves~
~ouh gosh...it's like alot of ppl around me are madly in love~
~can't stand dat~
~it's always, "waney, show me ur boyfren also"~
~den i'll be like "no i dun have a boyfren"~
~and they'll go like "huh?! really??...why dun have?~
~i dun noe!!!~
~why is everyone in the mood for love?~
~and why am i not??~
~am i like too sick and tired of it?~
~or am i too disappointed with something~
~wadever it is, i leave everything to like go along with the flow or something...~
~when the ryte time comes, i'll be in love with someone out there...~
~so, yea, nah...no beggy;)~

2005-06-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

~i am lacking sleep!!!~
~i am practically a walking panda~
~went to school at 10.30..~
~erm...well, actually we were supposed to meet up at 10.30~
~but, i reached there at around 10.50~
~late ey?~
~haha~
~lessons started at 1, but my groupmates and i came early to watch a movie~
~movie: to present during understanding media tutorial~
~well, the movie was cool i think despite the fact that it was produced like many years ago~
~however, i didn't noe a single thing about the show...hence, my presentation was very vague- that's what miss gail said~
~ouh gosh..hopefully, mext week, when we'll have to present on a celebrity, i'll be like much more prepared~
~it's kind of pathetic to be standing infront of the whole class presenting something that i myself am not quite sure about~
~hmms, wad else?~
~nothing interesting happened today, so, i guess dat's it for now~

2005-06-23T00:10:00.000+08:00

~yoohoo~
~this crazeee gerl by the name of liana here is like sitting beside me, shaking her bottle of hair dye like as if she's werking in some bubble tea shop~
~well, its 12:12 am ryte now~
~just finished doing my school assignment...hehe...everything at the very last minute~
~liana also just finished helping me update my blog settings!..like, finally!!~
~hmms, nah...we aren't going to sleep yet, infact we are just about to dye her hair and maybe fill our stomaches~
~erm, dun really noe wad to talk about today~
~well, at least, i wrote something and maybe in a few months tyme when i read this, i'll be like thinking.."wad crap"~
~okay...crap!~
~blablabla..~
~bubbyes~

2005-06-21T21:22:00.000+08:00

~woohoo~
~such a tiring day~
~feel so sleepy~
~well, actually, we didn't do anything much in school today~
~our creative process tutorial was cut short to only 30mins instead of 2 hrs~
~and so, we were allowed to spent the rest of the 1 and a half hours in the library doing our own work~
~yeps, obviously, our own things means slacking!!~
~hmms, and after that boring 2 hours, we had another 2 free hours- our break dat is~
~we went to the school'd north canteen~
~finally tasted the food there after 3 long weeks~
~erm, okayla, quite nice~
~hmms, and after dat, we had communication skills tutorial~
~how sad...next weeks lessons will be extended to 3 hours instead of 2~
~ouh man...wonder how to tahan like dat~
~erms, ouh yar, just now, i received a message from my ex when i was in the library~
~he was asking for liana's number~
~suddenly he called me dear..~
~like, madddd!!~
~i think he's totally out of his mind~
~the other day he ignored me in the presence of my bro and now, he's like calling me dear???..~
~like hello??!! knock knock!!??~
~okay fine wadever~
~tmr i'll be doing my assignment~
~hoping dat it'll be something different and unique? maybe..~
~blablabla...wad else should i talk about??~
~well, there was like at least another malay in my class~
~it's not like my classmates left me out or anything like dat~
~it's just dat at certain points of time, when they tend to joke around and get the natural tendency to talk in their own language, i kinda feel pretty lost~
~i mean, i dun blame them..i can see dat they are not doing dat on purpose~
~well, i'm trying my best to be as sociable as possible...with every single person in class~
~overall, i think, they are all very very nice ppl~
~wadever it is, i consider myself lucky i have such united classmates~
~well, at least, most of them are...we go to class together, we eat together...u noe, dat sorta thing~
~hmms, okay, i think dat's it for tonite~
~toodles!!~

2005-06-20T00:26:00.000+08:00

~hey there~
~today's father's day~
~i spent the whole morning drawing a portrait of my grandpapa's face~
~well, i suppose, so far, it's the best portrait i've drawn~
~love my granddad sooo much!!!...heezz~
~aniway, we went to swensens today~
~woohoo...stomache's real full~
~hmms, after dat we walked around northpoint for awhile...it's been awhile since i last did dat..~
~everything suddenly felt so at home...erm, i mean, i used to go to yishun alot for the past dunno how many years~
~but, everything changed when i suddely saw an old fren..~
~supposedly, he's an old fren...an ex to be more specific~
~i dunno wads going on wrong between the two of us...~
~dunno if there was ever anything wrong..~
~just now, when i saw him, he didn't even say hi~
~he didn't even smile or sumthing~
~worst still, he didn't even look at me~
~he was standing ryte beside me, talking to my bro~
~i was like a pole-lifeless..no need for attention kind of thing~
~well, arghh...wadever~
~i dunno why the hell i am so affected by this stupid incident~
~somehow, i just can't put my mind off it~
~sometimes, i just wish dat everything could be like normal~
~i dun really noe how much more normal i want things to be...but at least..evryone, in friendly terms~
~ouh man...i'm feeling like shit at this point of time...maybe i'll come back to explain wad i really mean next tyme alrytez~

2005-06-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

~heylow~
~today's lesson was held at the mac lab~
~kinda cool~
~we had to listen to 7 different soundtracks~
~and den, we had to chose one and base on the that we chose, we had to paint an image using corel painter or photoshop~
~fun..but kinda complecating since i've not actually handled a corel painter or photoshop before~
~well, i chose this kinda funky song and was planning to do somesort of a graffitti~
~erm, i didn't get to finisg it in school just now~
~i didn't get to finish it in school just now~
~another cool assignment dat i'll have to work on is somesort of a photography thing~
~well, i'll have to go take 3 different photos...all 3 in black and white~
~was planning to do something different~
~instead of having a nature based kind of work, i was planning to focus my work more on feminism~
~it'll be a little harder i guess...but hopefully, it's worth the try~

2005-06-16T22:43:00.000+08:00

~hey there~
~hmms...well, got a rather sad news~
~u noe, the cute guy dat i was talking about..~
~well, yea, the one i saw in school~
~he's got a gerlfren already~
~aww..i knew it~
~cute guys like him couldn't be un-attached~
~haha~
~well, didn't see him in school for the past few days~
~or maybe...its simply because my eyes stopped searching for the sight of him...heezz~
~nah...wadever it is, i think they are a cute couple~
~well, in a way, i am kinda jealous~
~because i wish i could have a boyfren too!!!~
~no no, wait...nah...changed my mind, i dun wanna have a boyfren YET~
~very leceh...erm, meaning..very troublesome..~
~well, aniway, back to my story telling..~
~the other day in school, someone asked for my number~
~a guy..like duh..~
~erm, he's a second year student~
~name's farhan..if i didn't remember wrongly~
~erm, he's fren was the one who came forward and asked for my number~
~all the while he was standing behind with one other fren~
~hmms, he's okay, quite cute i guess( i wasn't wearing my spects at dat point of time)~
~one things for sure is dat he's very tall~
~msged and called once...dat was yesterday~
~well, my guess is dat he'll disappear pretty soon..haha~
~as per normal...like all the other guys i used to noe~
~come and go just like dat~
~but nah...dun care~
~wadever~
~erm, lessons in school are like damn slacky~
~cool thing...but, scary in a way~
~luckily we dun have exams...~
~erm, wad else?~
~haha..i dun noe..~
~so, dat's it i guess..~
~toodles~

2005-06-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

~today....well, wad exactly happened today?~
~actually, i myself dun really noe..haha~
~hmms, yesterday we went for some kind of cca open house thingy~
~ouh man...the sports hall was like so damn crowded~
~i can't even see wads there and exactly wad was going on around...~
~well den my fren and i came to a conclusion of which cca to join~
~we'll just go with our last resort: sdn club...erm, hopefully it is considered a cca~
~hmms...kinda having a headache ryte now~
~toodles~

2005-06-08T04:20:00.000+08:00

~ouh my god~
~thot i could get a good nyte sleep~
~haha, thot dat maybe i'd be having a naish dream today...of someone maybe?~
~but, nah...turned out to be a nightmare~
~ouh man...it was like damn scary!!~
~i slept for like only 2 and a half hours and couldn't put myself to sleep again after dat~
~so, i decided to send a few messages out to ppl i noe..~
~hoping that at least one would reply to my pathetic message so early in the morn~
~well, luckily for me, one of dem replied..hehe~
~so, i gave dat person a call and ended up having a three way conversation wif him and his fren~
~well, i must say dat it's kinda nice to hear his voice again after like so long~
~suddenly, i felt a sense of security especially after dat f%$@ing dream!!!~
~phew!!~
~at least, he kept me company for awhile~
~its like 4.33 now~
~i wonder how the hell i'm gonna stay awake throughout the lecture tomorrow~
~it'll be a 2hr long lecture~
~and ouh my goodness, i slept for like only 2.5 hours~
~damn it!!~
~but, i'm lucky dat after the lecture tomorrow i won't be having anymore lessons~
~two hours of school and off i go....~
~hmm....wad shud i do now?~
~i am feeling rather sleepy actually~
~but i'd have automatic flashbacks of the dream the moment i close my eyes~
~but heard dat nightmares will never come true...~
~once again, phew!!!~
~alrytez, lets change the topic...~
~erms, wad to?~
~maybe bout the guy i talked to just now~
~well, i dun noe if i had ever mentioned bout him before..~
~aniway, he's a year younger~
~he's cute~
~he's friendly~
~rather charming....~
~but, i only treat him as a fren~
~we went out before...but it wasn't only the two of us...it was with another fren of mine as well..a gerl..~
~erm, eversince i started schooling and he started his school holidays, we kind of drifted apart~
~there were less messages, no more phone calls at nyte..~
~hmm..in a way, it's a good thing but...feels kinda boring sometimes~
~well, he says dat he misses me..~
~i dun noe wad to feel...shud i feel glad/flattered dat someone misses me?~
~or, shud i be feeling bad because i can't say to him, "i miss you too"....coz i dun..~
~and i shud be feeling guilty of course for calling him at such a late hour just because i dun have anione else to talk to~
~but, i do like him though, like i said, as a fren..~
~aniway, he told me dat he's stressed up..~
~i asked him y~
~said dat his ex-gerlfren got together with one of his classmates~
~guess he wasn't too happy with dat~
~haha...said that he was jealous..abit~
~guess he still hasn't really gotten over her..~
~ouh god...hopefully one fine day, he'll find someone he truly loves and whu'd love him back as dearly~
~my eyes are like so damn heavy ryte now...~
~but, damn it!! how do i sleep?~
~i guess the only way i'd be able to sleep ryte now is if i have many...i really mean lots of ppl around me..~
~i suddenly wish dat i am in my school's food junction ryte now...during daylyte i mean~
~i woud rather sit on those hard plastic chairs, rest my head on the hard tables and sleep~
~guess it'd be much more peaceful!!~
~ouh well, i'll stop here for now..~
~it's 4.54 now...my mom will be awake in about 6 minutes tyme i guess...~
~well, HOPEFULLY!!~

2005-06-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

~woohoo~
~guess wad?...~
~saw dat cute guy again in school today~
~hahaa..my eyes were like so glued on him while he was eating at the food junction~
~wish i could like see him again..maybe during every break dat i have..haha~
~i might sound too transparent ryte now i noe.hehkz~
~but hey, seriously, he's like so cute~
~well, he sat at a table quite near to where i was sitting~
~since my back was somewhat facing him, i had to slant to my left a little to get a clearer look..~
~well, at least, i could pretend to be looking at my fren while talking to her and erm, at the same tyme, like steal a few glances of him..hahakz~
~nah nah....just like his cuteness dats all~
~i mean i dun even noe him wad~
~i suppose he has a gerlfren or sumthing like dat..i mean like such a cute guy without a gerl is rather impossible?~
~well, well, dats it for today, the guy whu got me so caught up by his looks..hehe..toodles~

2005-06-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

~wad a tiring day~
~had drawing lessons today~
~cool~
~my ferst drawing: face of a guy~
~my second drawing: bracelete my sis and bro-in-law got for me on my 14th berfday~
~had two lectures~
~zzzzZZZZZZzzz~
~boring!!~
~almost slept thru the colour theory lecture~

~feeling something lately~
~but, wad is it?~
~such a heavy feeling all of a sudden~
~i'm like hoping to reach out for something~
~but, wad is it?~
~or is it the usual torments of the past?~
~disappointment?~
~maybe~
~but what the hell for?~
~arghh!!! i hate this feeling~

2005-06-05T17:29:00.000+08:00

~woohoo~
~got myself a brand new mac powerbook~
~haha cool ey~
~hmms, all thanks to my dad and mom~
~i'm not quite used to it yet though~
~so, i'm still kinda lost...like for example if u ask me wads the use of the garageband and stuff like dat...i'll say I DUN NOE~
~hmms...today, i'm supposed to go for some bbq at venture era's boss's house~
~wel, knowing my dad very well, it's as if he'll allow me to go~
~in the ferst place, he doesn't even know dat i'm still so called werking~
~doesn't seem much like it actually~
~it's been more den a month now and i still have not broken zero!!!~
~i mean, come on, how much more pathetic can it be?~
~i love the work place~
~i love the ppl there~
~infact it's more of like going to school instead of going to work~
~cool ey~
~but, den again, wif things like curfews and stuff like dat, how the hell am i supposed to fix any sales appointment with anyone?~
~well, yea i noe, it's still kinda possible but, most of them are working adults which means appointments could only be fixed aftetr 6~
~my curfew: 7p.m~
~see wad i mean~
~well, i can't even fix appointments with my relatives coz i'm afraid they'll blurt it out to my dad~
~i'd rather play it safe~
~hmms...one way or another, i'll try my best to do something..~
~well, lets forget bout the whole werk thingy~
~i'm like so freaking bored ryte now~
~feel like watching a movie...hmms, wad show shall i watch~
~to think of it, actually, i still have got my assignment to complete~
~but, haha, just looking at it makes me feel like sleeping man~
~communication skills is equivalent to those boring english courses we used to take in secondary school~
~alrytez...think dats all for now~

2005-06-04T01:37:00.000+08:00

~well, school's back~
~except dat this tyme it's a whole new environment~
~felt kinda weird at first, but nah..it's kinda cool actually~
~love my classmates, at least, beginning to..hehe~
~they are nice people~
~i'm like the only malay in my class~
~but, yea, i'm blending in just fine i suppose~
~hmms...saw a cute guy in school~
~guess he's a senior~
~haha~
~woopsie...but hey, i guess there's no sin in looking at cute guys~
~noticed him from the first day of orientation actually~
~nah nah...just complimenting on his looks dats it~
~erm, so far, the ferst week in school i must say is very damn slacky~
~lots of lectures were being cancelled~
~but dats a good thing ey~
~coz in a way it means: zzZZZzzz~

~hmms...the last tyme i updated my blog, i think i wrote something bout a guy~
~something bout how he broke my heart~
~well, yea, gotten over dat shit~
~there are a few other guys who came in and out of my life after him~
~well, even till today, it's always someone new and den, in a few months tyme..they go M.I.A~
~haha, gotten pretty used to it already~
~one thing's for sure though, i'm not gonna fall for their sweet shit!~
~dun believe in all this crappy boy likes gerls and gerl likes boy stuff anymore~
~kinda bullshit~

~today, after school, i went to causeway point with my mom and liana~
~ate at delifrance~
~surprised to see risma working there~
~well, she's taller den me now, haha~
~she's still the same sweet looking gerl though~
~hmm...all of a sudden, i miss my old frens~
~people like fiza, aww...miss her so much~
~people like jessie and ifah...awwww...miss them lots too~
~wish we could like hang out or something~
~well, my eyes are like gonna close anytyme soon~
~toodles~

2005-03-16T21:53:00.000+08:00

~today, was rather boring..~
~i stayed home the whole time, locked myself in the room and watched two movies~
~hmms.. gonna have to teach my lil cuzzy again tomorrow~
~this tyme around, i'm making sure dat my temper's all down~
~aniway, can't wait to go to my aunt's place tomorrow~
~well, at least, i won't have to rot in my room again~
~dun get me wrong, i still love my room in a way..~
~just the bore of being alone dats klling me~
~anyway, received a msg from an ex just now~
~he told me dat he'll be there for me~
~kinda nice to noe dat...well, at least, despite our history, he's still a nice friend dats not to be forgotten~
~i just hope wadever it is, he'll manage well serving national service~
~heard its tough..i mean, how would i noe ryte, i'm a gerl~
~alryte..ending here...~

2005-03-15T21:05:00.000+08:00

~alryte, so i've been really disturbed lately~
~well, on saturday, all i could think of was him~
~my cuzzy slept over at my house dat nite~
~but, even our pathetic midnite jokes were not able to put my mind off him~
~so, there i was, waiting all nite for at least a single message from him.. but, nah, none..~
~hmms, i fell asleep at 6.30 in the morning.. and had to get out of bed at 9.30 dat same morning~
~wif head so dizzy, the ferst thing i did was check my handphone..any messages? nah...none~
~okay, dissapointed but hey...i dun care!~
~the shower sure did brought about a welcoming jolt through my body, and i was kinda hoping dat it could somehow lighten my heavy heart~
~den again, it didn't..i had a bad hair day-the curls..eew..so disgusting, everything on me was so wrong, my outfit, my makeup..just everything~
~i totally lost my confidence on dat sunday~
~i didn't really do my job..most of the time, i was sitting at the back, holding on tite to my handphone~
~i didn't do the announcings, i didn't sing any solo, i sang only about 3 duets..dats it, throughout the whole wedding ceremony..dats horrible i must say~
~dat nite, when i returned home, i was still kinda hoping to receive at least a late nite message~
~den again, nope...none!~
~so, in my mind i was lyke...'okay fine forget it'~
~truth is, i wasn't able to, and i still can't~
~so, i forced myself to sleep dat nite. dats the only thing in which i think could temporarily make me not think of him~
~i woke up the next morning, or infact, afternoon..got myself all freshen up and immediately left the house to meet a fren~
~we went shopping-my favourite thing to do...did it help? nope, still was thinking of him~
~hmms...so, i ended up trying my old method of de-stressing..went to macdonalds and got myself 2 burgers.~
~u see, dat was how i managed my life...eat,eat,eat..wenever i'm stressed up, wenever i'm happy, whenever i'm whatever..~
~and...i am supposed to be on a healthy food diet now, but, whu cares, i just got myself two bottles of detoxing med, so, yea, just hope it helps one way or another~
~well, aniway, eating turned out to be a failure this time around...so, i'm kinda back to my normal diet now~
~okay, so, dat nite, i couldn't sleep..i turned on all sortsa music, loud, soft, fast, slow...none of it worked..and no, dun even think of switching off the hi-fi...it'll only make it worst..i'm the type whu drifts along wif the music till i reach dreamland~
~so, i called up a fren, she too was still wide awake, but most of the time, it was her talking while i just got wafted away by my thoughts~
~i was sad, frustrated, disappointed...all messed up~
~i dunno exactly wads wrong wif me, but all i could do was think of the guy whu had just stolen a small part of my heart not too long ago~
~our meeting wasn't even a meeting, more of a coincidence~
~and stupid me fell for his sweet nothings~
~i just have this heavy feeling inside of me..i feel like i'm a zombie!!~
~i stayed awake till 2 plus in the morning, i had to let mysef out..dropped a few tears and was about to go to bed~
~but, before dat, i had to take my medication.. so, i dragged myself to the drawer, held the glass bottle in my hand when a sudden weakness struck me~
~the bottle of medication which cost 98 bucks headed straight for the ground and, duh, it broke..into many pieces...~
~and there i was thinking, ferst of all, damn it! there goes my hundred bucks and its all becoz of dat bloody guy whu just won't get out of my head..the next thing was, poor bottle, as pathetic as i was at dat point of time, shattered and nothing could be done, just left there, with the liquid medication flowing out helplessly, like me sitting draining out my tears~
~okay so, how much worst could it get? while i was trying to clear up the mess, i accidently stepped on one of the glass pieces and it left my toe bleeding..hurts of course, but luckily, the cut wasn't huge~
~well, i must have pulled my mom out of dreamland...she caught me breaking down, but i just said dat i wasn't feeling well and was kinda having a flu~
~i guess she knew i was lying..with my sudden carelessness and silence..anyone could have guessed that there was something wrong~
~this morning, she kept asking, trying to convince me dat it'll be much better if i were to share it wif someone~
~but, nah..my story is not dat of a straight forward type..mine was really complicated..~
~so, i wud rather keep it to myself...about exactly wad happened and exactly how i feel~
~this morning, i was trying real hard to keep myself focused on my normal daily stuff, plus, i've got an extra long lesson to teach today..~
~kind of got over it a little, i mean, i realise how things are meant to be the way it is, whether i liked it or not~
~but, i have to admit dat i was still somehow distracted~
~i was rather impatient with my little cousin, scolded him alot during lesson today.. i never did dat before and i feel kind of guilty dat i'm mixing personal stuff with my job~
~but i guess, it'll all have to end here..someway, somehow...and, hopefully dat is..~

2005-03-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

~yesterday, at the train station, a guy approached~
~says i'm unique? yar ryte..bullshit~
~i dun understand how he finds someone in t-shirt and jeans unique~
~haha..okay wadever, i've got no time for all his crap~
~well, yesterday itself, another irritating guy keeps on bugging me..AGAIN!~
~i have no idea how many million times i have to tell him dat i won't give him my number~
~he says he'll never give up~
~haha, pathetic i must say~
~but wad can i do?~
~i can't force myself to lyke someone i dun..ryte?~
~i'm sure he'll target some other gerls now~
~bcoz i told him dat i'll be engaged pretty soon~
~i've finally, successfully made him shut up~
~i mean, come on, a seventeen year old gerl, engaged?~
~nah..dats too early.. i've not even finished studying!~
~wadever it is, he bought it..hopefully he doesn't find out dat its not true~

a dream

2005-02-11T14:43:00.000+08:00

~it's been years since i last met Z~
~the two of us were having a great time, enjoying our so called reunion~
~and hence we joked, laughed and had fun as frenz~
~i was rather disappointed at the fact that its just a fren sort of thing going on~
~but at the same time i was enjoying myself~
~the funny thing is, while i was sitting there, in my dream, this thought came to me and i told myself, "u're just dreaming..this is just a dream"~
~i knew that i was still sound asleep and that i was dreaming but, another thought came to me "i dun wanna wake up. at least, not yet"~
~and so in the dream, Z and i were still talking, he asked me lots and lotsa questions..some interesting, some lame, but i didn't mind dem~
~and it was somewhere in between this conversation dat a fren of his passed by~
~i thought he was his fren, well, not until he came over and gave Z a huge blow to the ground~
~Z was bleeding badly by then~
~all i could do was stand by his side and gently rub his back~
~i was helpless~
~the more traumatising part is when that bloody guy came over and stepped Z's face~
~i was damn furious obviously, he was acting like some barbarian~
~i wun say much on this part~
~but in the end, Z was lying on the ground, unconscious~
~i went over beside him, looked at his face, in front of mine~
~i saw that sweet, soothing face, the exact face that i had fallen in love wif a few years back~
~the only difference there was to it was that the face was stained wif blood now~
~i shouted his name over and over again, asking him to wake up~
~but he couldn't listen~
~so i sat there and weep, holing his hand tight in mine and i whispered to him " dun leave me again...please dun leave me"~
~unlike in the beginning of the dream, i was hoping that it was reality~
~but thank god it wasn't, and aniway, it is said that nightmares will only remain a nightmare, they'll never come true~

2005-02-11T11:50:00.000+08:00

~i didn't mean to hurt this guy~
~it's not that i dun like him or sumthing, actually i do~
~but i can't just sit back and treat him like he's someone special~
~no doubt he's nice, he's sweet and all~
~but i dun trust myself to love anione animore~
~somehow, if its not me end up being hurt, i'll be the one hurting them~
~den about the other guy, the case of the ex~
~yup, he's adorable, fun talking to and stuff~
~den again, i can't love him~
~he's too nice..not the type to fool around wif~
~i mean, ive done dat once, dun want to do it another tyme~
~its obvious dat he's trying to seek for another chance for us to get back together~
~but..nah..he's simply a great friend to me rite now~
~the only ex that i'm able to confide in in tymes of ups and downs~
~like, which ex will listen to u brag about ur present boyfren?~
~very few are willing to do so~
~most wud simply go with the "whatever" tone~
~basically, i'm me now, back to square one..the old me~
~and i'm waiting for a new life ahead of me~
~hoping to start fresh and end as lovely and as simply as possible in a brand new environment~

2005-02-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

~leave me alone, why are u haunting my mind?~
~it's been years now~
~why do i miss him?~
~what memories do we share?~
~do i regret?~
~those smiles, those tears?~
~do they even mean anything to u now?~
~or am i hoping for a miracle~
~heh...maybe i am..i'm dreaming...he'll never come back~